


let your shining eyes reflect no one else but me

by esnoyuuutsu



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Blood, M/M, anyway they're suffering and so am i, but also i'm sad and that's why i wrote this, canon character death, december appears briefly and april is mentioned, more like a what the hell does this mean rattles cage liBERENT ANSWER MY GODDAMN CALLS kind of way, that event story broke me and not in an oh no i'm sad way, this is just a big ol mess of hcs and theories i wanted to yeet out after scarlet mirror, yukishiro conspiracy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-29
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2021-01-08 00:43:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21226967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esnoyuuutsu/pseuds/esnoyuuutsu
Summary: In a year, July goes before August, and August follows July.The summer months; never apart, always by each other's side.[ spoilers for scarlet mirror, risky game, and probably anything else that has gekkagumi-related stuff in it??? ]





	let your shining eyes reflect no one else but me

**Author's Note:**

> "stop using fly me to the star on a3 fic titles" no

August was bright.

Not just in the way people would talk about him like he had the future of their organisation on his shoulders (though he did), not in the sense that he was intelligent, carrying out extensive research into how memory and the human mind worked (though he was).

No, August was—appropriate to his name—bright like a long day at the height of summer; like a sunrise drowning out the twinkling stars, like opening your eyes to the light of day after a freezing, empty night.

And to July, who had lived his whole life in shadow, looking at him was blinding.

"Hold still, okay?"

Whether it was a consequence of the two of them having trained together, August being known for his reliability, or simple coincidence, July always found himself not far from August—just as their months, side by side.

"This is a little embarrassing," said July, turning away from August.

"Why? I've seen you without a shirt on before, haven't I?"

July grimaced, from both August's comment and stinging at his skin. "Not that. I mean having you help me when I know you're going to scold me for getting injured, like I'm one of your kids."

“Well, it isn’t so bad.” August's laugh was as warm as his fingertips were against July's shoulder. “At least you aren’t severely hurt, though I will still tell you to be careful next time.”

The warmth moved to July’s cheek as August touched his face. “After all, there are things we have to protect, right? Can’t do that if we’re not here."

He nodded, leaning against August’s hand as it drew back. After one moment, and another, of staring into the sun, July blinked.

“Speaking of my kids, though, one of them does remind me of you,” said August. “I’m not sure what it is? Maybe it’s the way you start focusing so much on something until I have to pull you away to function.”

July raised an eyebrow. “How am I supposed to take that, exactly?”

“Oh, I think it’s cute.”

“Hmm.” July tried to shrug, only for August to lightly hit his arm because what did he just say about not moving. “And yet you still won’t let me meet either of them.”

“I’m...waiting for the right time.” August responded distantly, all of a sudden paying more attention to his task.

“There you go, all better.” Giving July a pat, he smiled. “Remember, if there’s ever anything you need my help with, I’m right here.”

If August was the sun, then in a way, July was the moon.

With the same destination, the two of them traced the same path in the same sky, July a few steps behind in the dark. He and August had found a place they belonged, one that they could defend, that they could fight for, a place they could live for, and if need be, die for.

And surely, July thought, if that day came, August would still be there with him.

* * *

_ Everything’s dark. _

_ And cold. _

_ Help. _

_ He can’t see his own hands, he can’t feel a thing. _

_ Every movement he tries to make takes an eternity, as if he’s falling through space. _

_ Please. _

_ Faintly, far above him, what might be the moon is shining. _

_ He can’t breathe. _

_ Mom. Dad. _

_ Anyone. _

_ Please— _

July awoke in a cold sweat, sitting bolt upright. Shining brightly outside was the same moon as—

As...what?

On the next bed over, August began to stir.

“...July? What’s wrong?”

He turned to August, the moonlight illuminating his softly curling hair mussed up from sleep, his drowsy smile tinged with pity and concern.

“It’s fine, go back to sleep.”

The way August looked at him, the way he’d worry and fuss over not only July but his children and anyone else who needed his help, how warm he was to anyone around him—it burned.

There was no need to worry—before he woke up as part of the organisation, July had nothing. He was nothing. There was nowhere else for him to return to, and as long as he had a place here, he had a purpose.

So as he lay down, July tucked the thought of the moon and the strange familiarity of August’s kindness in the back of his mind, not to be disturbed.

* * *

“Mind giving me a second for my research?”

It was surprising, to say the least.

“I don’t mind at all, but are you sure?”

July did like to think he was capable of many things, but August asking him for help with his research was no common occurrence. While July did take a few glances at his papers and things and understand a concept here or there, for the most part it all seemed far too complicated—better to leave it to August, he thought.

August ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah? I appreciate any insight you have, since you  _ are _ right sometimes," he said, barely holding back laughter.

"And…" That look came back into August's eyes, like a candle being snuffed out. "You lost your memories, didn't you?"

Instinctively, July's hand went up, brushing his earring. "So by help, you mean test subject."

"No, no!" August took July's hand, gently running his fingers along the scars he knew were hiding under the gloves, coming close to searing them at the same time. "It hurts sometimes, doesn't it? I just want to help you, and anyone else who might be suffering too."

July stared at his hand, August's clasped around it.

_ "Are you okay? What did you do…" _

_ August came running at the sound of shattering glass to find July, sitting on the floor in a daze, blood trickling down his arm. _

_ "...I...don't know." _

_ It was true. One second, July was getting ready, the next, he'd looked in the mirror. And then? _

_ Logically, the only person looking back at him should be himself. That is how mirrors work, after all. _

_ But whose eyes were those? _

_ Staring back at him, dull and lifeless yellow, empty like gemstones that had long lost their lustre—he didn't like them, how they stayed the same no matter how many times he changed his appearance, how painfully familiar they seemed, how they didn't belong in his head, he didn't want to see them anymore— _

_ —and then August arrived. _

_ "Let me see your hand." _

_ July limply moves his arm over, blood dripping onto his clothes. _

_ August carefully examines his hand, holding on so lightly that if he moves, July might just slip free from his grasp and float away. He watches as August runs his hand under water, washing it and wrapping it up in a towel that luckily isn't covered in broken mirror. _

_ "Let's go somewhere that doesn't have glass everywhere, alright? We can clean up later, but you're more important." _

_ How August can look at him with such care, without asking for thanks, how he can see July and see someone, anyone, is a complete mystery. _

_ In the time they've known each other, he's never understood how August can treat him so kindly. Starting a family, helping out July—even though they want to protect the same things, August's path can only lead to regret. _

_ Isn't that how fragile human relationships are? _

_ July clutches August's hands, wincing from the pain. _

_ "...yes?" _

_ Without a word, tears start sliding down July's face, one after the other until he's sobbing into August's shoulder. _

_ "July—?" _

_ Not knowing exactly why July was crying and yet understanding perfectly, August holds him close, stroking his hair and murmuring in his ear. _

_ "It's okay. I'm here, you're not alone." _

  
  


_ "How's your hand doing?" _

_ July's smile is askew. "It's been better, but thank you." _

_ "If there's anything wrong, just let me know."  _

_ August pauses, rummaging around in his pockets. "That's not the only reason I wanted to talk to you, though! I have something for you." _

_ He takes out a box, opening it to reveal a pair of moon-shaped earrings. _

_ "April got his ears pierced recently, and I thought—doesn't July like wearing earrings too? So I got you these." _

_ July picks one up, dangling it at eye level. It's pretty, if somewhat flashy, and he wonders if that's what August thinks of him. The moon is made of silver, and inside the crescent hangs a yellowish-green gem. He holds it up to see the gem blend into August's hair, and he can't help but smile. _

_ "I was thinking that maybe it would help for you to have something you can look at when you see yourself that helps you know that you're, you, even when you aren't feeling like yourself," August is talking a bit too fast, the gears in his brain turning and spilling his whole thought process out of his mouth. "Does that make sense?" _

_ July turns the earring back and forth. "The moon, huh." _

_ "It's...alright if you don't like them, I was just hoping—" _

_ Shaking his head, July takes the box from August, holding it to his chest. "I'll be sure to treasure them." _

  
  


July slipped his hand free from August, flicking it through his hair in a semblance of regaining his composure. 

"I guess I don't mind," he said, averting his eyes from August's troubled ones. "If it'll keep whatever I'm trying to remember from bothering me."

He heard a sigh. "That's not...what I—"

Turning back, July laid a gloved hand on August's cheek. "Thank you, August."

* * *

"Don't you ever think about what it would be like to live...normally, July?"

August, not looking up from his papers, posed a decent and unreasonable question.

It wasn't too strange for him to ask such a thing, and yet, why would he? July didn't know anything else. For him, living normally  _ was _ what they had in the organisation, not August's spun sugar dreams of raising children in a loving home, in blind defiance of their surroundings.

There was no reason for July to leave. Everything he needed was already here.

"No, why?"

Casting his eyes to the window, August spoke. "Somewhere, in a tiny corner of this wide world, a poor man from a deserted port city got his hands on treasure." He swept an arm around the room towards July. "And all of it was here."

"What?"

For a moment, ridiculous as it was, July nearly thought that August managed to read his mind.

"It's from a play," said August, a new light in his eyes July had never seen before. "The real treasure was the friends we made along the way, or so it's said."

July blinked. "I...really don't understand you sometimes."

August's brows drew together, his smile setting off an ache rattling through July's chest.

"I know."

* * *

If August was indeed the sun, then perhaps a more apt comparison for July would be Icarus—in an act of hubris, forgetting his own weakness, he had flown too close to its bright burning warmth, and now he was tumbling into the ocean once more.

"You lied to me."

July slammed a trembling hand on the table, the papers dropping out of August's hands as he looked up, startled.

"You said that you wanted to help treat people with psychological trauma. You had all these lofty goals, and like a fool, I believed you." July's breath was shallow, the pressure of the salt sea water suffocating and heavy around him. "All this time, you only meant to save yourself."

"What are you talking about?" August reached out, July quickly pulling away before they could touch.

"I'm talking about how you,” —here, a gloved finger jabbed at August’s jacket—“are trying to get rid of your own memory so that you can go sail off to god knows where, free from your responsibilities here. We didn’t go through everything that we have so that you could run away, August!”

“...July.”

“Oh, don’t ‘July’ me.” The corner of his mouth curled. “Were you going to abandon those children of yours too, along with everything else you've chosen to leave behind?"

“You don’t know everything.” His words were soft, and while August rarely raised his voice, the quiet anger waiting behind them had July falter for a moment.

“Then explain to me.” July walked over to the other side of the table, face to face with August, the distance between them enough to incinerate him. “Tell me exactly what it is you're trying to do.”

August’s eyes flicked back and forth, digging holes into July’s head to find something, anything at all. July could see the desperation as he stared at August, and he wondered if that was truly what was there or if it was just his own reflection.

“December and April are my family. I’d never leave them of my own volition, and I think you know that.”

July raised an eyebrow. “Maybe I do.” Taking a step closer, he added, “Perhaps I could be persuaded to lend you a hand were something to happen, if you let go of your research.”

“I can’t.”

“August, are you hearing yourself—”

Before July could finish his sentence, August took his hands, burning through his gloves all the way to his bones.

“I’m doing this to help you, July!” He could feel August shaking, with that look, again, an agonising pity and sorrow. “Somewhere in there, in the back of your mind, is the person you were before you had to become July. Before you were made into what you are now.”

What was August talking about?

“A person who understood how important family is, what it’s like to care for someone. I want to help you get that back. I...know that would mean this version of you now would disappear, and that’s terrifying.”

It hurt to look at him.

“But it would be better for you than this—to have a real life, for you to be a person of your own and not just a limb for this organisation.” August reached out, his fingers softly brushing against July’s cheek to wipe away a tear that July hadn’t even noticed was coming down.

Why was August like this?

He was warm, too warm.

“And I promise, if you let me, I’ll be right there with you the entire time. You won’t have to be alone.”

“...you’re leaving.” The words slipped from July’s lips before he could stop them.

“Then come with me. We can change, together.”

August smiled, with all the radiance of a breaking dawn.

He just wouldn’t stop.

July didn’t need to change. He would make everything around him do so, but never himself. He refused to be passively carried along by the tides of change, and certainly not by August’s warm, caring hands.

If August wanted to leave, then he could leave. Seeing the world so kindly would only bring him pain in the end—July had warned him as much in the past—and what was it to July if it did?

But August wouldn’t stop.

Why?

Stop.

_ Stop talking. _

“...you…” July’s voice came out as a hoarse whisper.

“Yes?”

He could feel August running his fingers through his hair, touching his earring, scorching his skin. Had August always been this way? The same hands, the same smile, the same burning warmth.

“You’re still lying,” said July, pushing him away. “I’m not going to get tricked again.”

"No! July, please, listen to me."

August was the one who betrayed their organisation, their ideals—he was the one who betrayed July. Whatever happened afterwards was his own fault, wasn't it?

He brought it on himself.

July felt a touch on his arm as August ran up to him.

"Don't come near me." He stepped back, watching August slowly, painfully pulling away.

"July."

Even then, he was too bright.

"Goodbye, August."

* * *

"...December, listen to me…"

July didn't know what he had planned, but whatever it was, August needed to shut his mouth before he told his sweet little son anything.

"Don't say another word!"

The two of them looked at him, and July tried to etch December into his mind, just in case. With his pale hair hanging over one warm-coloured eye shining in the moonlight, he almost looked like—

Before July could piece together the thought, to his surprise, December vanished.

August had thrown his beloved child into the ocean.

So much for protecting his family.

Putting aside any more potential memories he didn't need, July knelt down next to August, lying still, staring up at the moon—the same moon, once more.

He marveled at how someone so dazzling could be so easily overtaken by the night air, just as the sun consumed by the moon during an eclipse.

"...July…"

August's voice was faint, hidden in the wind whistling around them and the waves crashing far below.

July shushed him, stroking his hair, cradling his head close to his chest. "I told you, didn't I? You'd only regret being too soft. Is this what you wanted?"

There was no reply, only August’s fading breaths.

The two of them lived in one sky, but would never be seen at the same time.

As the sun set, so too the moon would rise.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello thanks for reading my nearly 3k words of augju that i've been keeping bottled up in my heart since we found out about mysterious long-haired ju month man. the two of them are even better than i could've expected and liber has finally fed me.
> 
> there's like so many cursed hcs in this lemme just uhhh  
\- july being yukishiro hajime with no memory  
\- august formerly being summer (thanks as always to goldie aka grossnoona for that one!!)  
\- aug giving jul his earrings  
\- augju act like a sickeningly cute married couple and everyone tells them to get a room (
> 
> anyway i'm esnoyuuutsu on twitter as well !!


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